September, 2009

Many times over the years, Kevin has used a phrase over and over and I’ll have no idea what he means. It always takes a while to gestate and then one day I’ll see it.  I start making all the connections; it’s like a puzzle that you stare at for hours until you see how it all fits together.  It then forms a picture.

Hero has spent a lot of time lately playing madly at Kevin’s farm.  Her best buddy forever is Pablo;  a tiny white dog easily confused with an old cotton mop.  They go at it for hours and Pablo always looks relieved to finally be put in a crate and given a rest.

Hero has also spent a lot of time around other dogs.   The other day, Hero got too close to a female shepherd in heat;  she really got a whooping.

She hadn’t been around her big brother Athos in quite some time.  The history between them was that she bugged him relentlessly, and he avoided confrontation.   After Hero got her “whooping” , when she was with Athos, it was like I was watching two very different dogs.

Hero was “submissive”.  Her hackles were up, she was backing away.   Because of this, Athos was “aggressive”;  he was pushing in on her space and overwhelming her.  I had the “ah-ha” moment.  Hero wasn’t seeing Athos, she was seeing the female in heat.  She had carried that experience with her in her body; physical memory, and transferred it to the next dog she encountered.  She really was feeling and reliving the experience from the past and it was influencing her present emotional state.

When ever I see things with dogs, I always wonder what it means to me. As I stood watching this incredible display of physical memory, I remembered something very similar that had happened to me.

I had a dear friend many years ago who was truly one of the most amazing people I had ever known.  She was talented, intuitive, spontaneous, and all around lovely.  She had also endured years of trauma as a child at the hands of her father.  Throughout the relationship with her, strange things kept popping up.  She would fiercely defend her children against me for the oddest things.  She would be unable to see and respect personal boundaries.  She would twist compliments payed to her and see them as hurtful.  Slowly, I began to see that she cast me, a person who loved her dearly, in the role of the parent who so terribly hurt her.  In our interactions, because I was such a central, loving person to her, I became that parent and she reacted to me just as if I really was that parent.  Physical memory.  The emotional body. All making sense.

These musings bring up the one central core of Natural Dog Training that comes up time and time again.  Dogs are here in our lives for one reason;  to help us become more conscious.  Watching Hero reliving her past and bringing it into the present, the only place for me to go is inward.  What do I do that is a product of physical memory and not an authentic expression of the moment?  I can see it in others,  but how can I catch myself when my emotional body is being controlled by physical memory?  How do I heal that physical memory and move to a place of greater awareness?

The dogs are part of the answer. I can watch them and pay attention. I can place myself around people who aren’t afraid to tell me the truth about myself and I can be open to that truth.   I can be grateful for the gift of physical memory and my capacity to understand it.  I can just welcome it all;  the hurt, the joy, the love and the pain of being on planet earth.

Just do nothing

The other day I was sitting with Kevin and Agi at their beautiful farm house underneath a huge maple tree.  We were sipping coffee and chatting away.  Kevin was holding Hero on a leash and no one was paying her much mind.  Without a thought in the world, I got up to get something out of the house.

Hero lit up like a match hitting a pile of kerosene soaked rags.  As I walked away, she jumped up and barked like crazy.  She barked while I was in the house and never took her eyes off that front door.  When I came back, she settled right down and began chewing a stick again.

What’s amazing about this is that it was the first time I really understood the connection I have with this dog.  All I have ever done, ever, is open the crate door, put a food bowl down, and walk her in the woods.  No praise.  No intense petting, no whistling , no talking, no nothing.  I have just stood there and done nothing.  I have just been there.  That has been enough,more than enough, to create an unbreakable bond.

We all know dogs love us unconditionally.  Still, we all try to do things to make them love us.  We don’t need to.  All the things we do;  doggie day care, treat training, behavior modification, praise, punishment, lavish collars, they just get in the way of allowing a dog to freely express their unconditional love for us.

It’s the same with people, all we need to do is just be there, it’s always enough.